Our society does not deal with or prepare us to deal with the progression toward death. Especially when a diagnosis has been made that death is the reality for that person, it involves everyone, the patient family, friends, physician, and of course the patient. It challenges each of us in a different way, but as I have already said those of us who live in the U.S. are not prepared for death and dying.
As people fall away from the church and beliefs in a God, they have not even their faith to fall back on. So what is one to do.
Communication is every thing. Having a sense of how much information the patient and their family can handle and in what time frame is critical to the respect and dignity given that person who is dying. Considering what the patient would want takes and understanding of that person that falls far beyond the understanding and intimacy of most physicians today. For one thing medicine is so specialized that very often the physician does not know his or her patient. They see them often sometimes and still know very little about them. So it is hard for that physician to communicate with someone they are not close to and it is hard for the patient to trust this person who is suppose to be one of their closest support systems.
A physician's guidance must be highly personalized and must consider prognosis, the risks and benefits of various interventions, the patient's symptom burden, the timeline ahead, the age and stage of life of the patient, and the quality of the patient's support system.
Patients and loved ones want to focus on preserving that persons life. However, when there is a sharp decline it brings the patient, their loved ones, friends and support system face to face with the reality that death is approaching. They always thought that they would have time to prepare now here it was and no preparations had been made except perhaps some financial ones. So the patient finds themselves dealing with fear, first and foremost. This is part of the lack of preparation. If they had a strong religious belief and a lot of faith say in the Bible if that person is Christian, then the fear would not be so hard to deal with.
Once the fear, anger, helplessness has been gone through then and only then is one able to deal with taking control one's own death and the helplessness disappears. A person then can deal with the idea of dying.
Some ways to prepare yourself and your loved ones for your death.
1. Write a letter to each loved one and tell them what you want done with your things. What kind of memorial you want. Tell them of your love for them and how they have helped you through your life time. Arrange to have those letters mailed if you die.
2. Write a will. Even if you have very little to leave anyone it saves a lot of fighting, hard feelings and grief to have everything clearly spelled out.
3. Have one person in charge of your medical in case you can't be. Write out clear instructions of what you want done in case you can't decide for yourself. Your living will (aka advance health care directive
4. Pay ahead of time for a funeral, memorial service or any other kind of remembrance you want.
5. Pay to have an undertaker come and take your remains away and have clear instructions with them whether you want to be buried or cremated it will save whoever has to contact everyone a lot of grief.
6. Write down what you want the minister to say about you. Choose the music, whether you would like friends and family to just stand up and say what they will about you. Do you want a funeral or wake? A memorial without your remains. Only you can say what you want.
7. Leave a book that tells people if their is insurance, special instructions, name all the names of your doctors. A list of debts so the heirs can pay them.
8. Leave instrutions of what to do with your digital life. The reason this is an important step is not just to give your heirs access to your bank accounts, it's also so they can shut down services you don't want around.
1. For example, Facebook can memorialize your page if you want, but if you don't want that digital record sticking around, you might make a request to your heirs to delete it outright.
2. Likewise, if an heir wants access to your Google account and you don't give them the password, they'll need to provide a name, address, photo ID, email, and death certificate. Which is to say, it's a lot easier for your family if you just give them your passwords.
3. Amazon and Ebay may have credit lines that have to be paid. Also you do not want those kind of accounts hanging around for just anyone to use. So, when you're putting together your list of usernames and passwords, include instructions for how you want those accounts handled, including if you want them to do anything specific with your home computer. If you're using a password manager then you can just look in your password vault for a full list of all your accounts and passwords.
You can set up a free online plan at Plan you death, get all of it together in a digital fineJudi Singleton is a free lance writer who writes for 17 blogs. She will write for you. Have a project you need help with email her now
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